Over the past few weeks, my mysterious and inquisitive mind has picked the brains of many married couples, or previously married individuals, including studying my parents’ relationship. According to my Nigerian culture, and maybe a portion of the population, I am supposed to be married by now, with at least 1 kid.
What I’ve learned for myself is that the world focuses so much on the idea of marriage, and how without marriage children aren’t stable, that it’s not healthy for them, and much more. The other day, I asked a co-worker to list three pros about her marriage of ten years that she is excited about — outside of her children — that would inspire a single woman like myself to get married. She couldn’t give me a straight answer. Initially, she said, “Don’t.” Then minutes and several stumbled words later, she said you get a friendship for life. So then, I went on to ask her, “So you need marriage for life friendship?” She said, “No, but it brings stability for the children.” Then I asked, “Is it the marriage that brings the stability or the relationship of the individuals raising the children?” She said, “It’s the marriage, and it’s hard to explain if you’re not married.” I said okay and left her alone because she began to get frustrated with my questions. It also made me wonder if she was married for reasons of which she may not have felt comfortable sharing with my ‘single’-minded brain. However, remember that initially she advised me NOT to get married.
Please understand, I am not against marriage. However, I do believe there is just too much pressure on people and marriage in this society. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I am not a girl with big Cinderella-wedding dreams. For now, I simply want a committed, honest best friend for life. We can make it legal when we are 90. By then we’ll be too busy changing bed pans and cleaning our dentures to worry about divorce. The way I see it, if both individuals know in their hearts that they want to get old and gray with each other, and it’s something they’ve prayed about — TOGETHER, what’s the rush? Hey, Tina Turner got married to her boyfriend of 27 years at age 75! And Oprah will probably do the same with Stedman — okay, maybe not…but they were both at Tina Turner’s wedding, looking happy as usual.
Overall, what I’m getting at here is YOU have POWER over the structure and stability in your life through your spirit, health, and well being. Focus less on the idea of something and what everyone else thinks — including your family. Focus more on what truly makes you happy. I mean, look at their faces in this picture, do you think they look like they care about what society thinks? Better yet, look at Tina’s wedding dress. Far from “traditional.”
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Texas couple weds after 41 years of dating! And get this, her name is Linda! Love is love!