Is an Igbo proverb my father taught me that his mother would say to him. What’s interesting about Igbo proverbs and stories is that they can have various meanings. This proverb literally means ‘take your eye’ however it also means:

• “Ensure your eyes are open”
• “Remain alert”
• “Be mindful”

Now why would I say remain alert and be mindful, then put the words “Black Power” after it? Here’s another question, how many Africans do you see from Africa walking around in colorful dashikis yelling “Black Power!” and proclaiming how “black” they are? Better yet how many Africans from Africa are on social media ranting about their mistreatment from someone of another race or ethnicity? Now please do not misinterpret what I’m saying here. The black power movement that occurred in 1950s and early 1960s was something in a way I wish I could have experienced and has paved the way for us, especially the Black Panthers. The movement was a true reflection of how powerful we are. Today it’s like the term ‘black’ has become just something to say. I’m guilty of it myself at times, which is why I wrote this blog post.

And now that I am thinking about it, I realize since birth I have never heard my father, uncles, aunts, or even grandparents say or mention “Black Power”. Their walk is power; Their accent. Their language. Their mentality. The way they teach us (children). The stories they tell. The proverbs they pass down. Now I have heard my father say, “People judge me initially but once I speak and they hear my accent their demeanor changes. They become respectful–they get friendly.” My father has also said to me, “Black says nothing about you. Not even “African American” says anything about you. You are Nigerian American.”

Africa is a continent, full fifty-four countries, from Algeria to Zimbabwe, languages, beliefs, foods, principles, proverbs, cultures, style of clothing, etc. According to my father the dashiki that African Americans wear, relates to a group of people in Nigeria called the Hausa people. Wikipedia explains the word dashiki further. The name dashiki is derived from the Hausa word ʼdan ciki, which means shirt.

This spiked my curiosity and I immediately wanted to dig deeper into the various styles of traditional Hausa attire. A popular style worn by Traditional Hausa-Fulani is very long and the sleeves are loose and kind of cut off.

Am I against dashikis?

No, they are beautiful. Have I ever worn one? No. Will I ever wear one? Probably not. What I will surely wear is my Igbo Nigerian traditional attire that will or has been specially designed for me by my aunt who sews, or a professional Nigerian tailor.

My point in all this is let’s open our eyes so we can see the African culture for what it truly is. Just because we wear a dashiki or in proper terms a dan ciki doesn’t make us more or less powerful. Let’s not get caught up in the hype of the “Black Power” business (believe it or not it is a business) so much so that we drift away from our true roots. Remember being African or of African descent is about knowledge, strength, values, and culture. That is our true power. Many African Americans who are going hard for Africa can’t name up to ten countries in Africa. Many Americans going hard for “Black Power” are still calling Africa a country.

As my grandmother told my father and my father told me…

 Kpachara anya gi . 

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PSYCHOLOGIST: Hello, I’m your psychologist. I’m here to talk to you today with a journalist about why you call your mind a human mind reserve. Can you explain to us?

PATIENT: My mind is a human mind reserve. It’s a place where people come who want to save their mind from extinction.

JOURNALIST:  So basically you believe your mind saves other minds from what you call mind extinction. Do you think that’s abnormal?

PATIENT: Listen! There’s a method to my madness.  The method is to say the “craziest” shit to inspire someone to create genius shit!

JOURNALIST: What do you mean by that? Give me an example.

PATIENT:  Look! Not everything is to be understood. You look at an abstract painting by Jean-Michel Basquait, can you interpret this? Let me ask you two questions. Are you a journalist?

JOURNALIST: Yes I am.

PATIENT: Are you writing about me?

JOURNALIST: Yes I am.

PATIENT: My point exactly!

Journalist gives a puzzled expression and writes in a notebook. Psychologist reaches for a manilla folder. Patient takes a mind interlude.

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PSYCHOLOGIST (opens manilla folder): Do you know anyone else who has the mind of a human Mind Reserve?

PATIENT:  Several.  Most are categorized as crazy. Very few are recognized as living legends. Many become legends after they die. I cannot give out any names. All you need to know is I ask questions that people think they don’t have the answers to so they can find the answer, create the answer, or simply say, “Forget what you think, this is what I believe and I will die for it! Period.”  These are thoughts and characteristics that are endanger amongst the masses. I taint with egos and the idea of right and wrong.  You want to know my trick?

PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes please share, what’s your trick?

PATIENT: You see the key is to appear to always want to be right which pushes people to challenge me to be right or wrong. When in all actuality I believe in neither. I believe in the story.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Do you think it’s wrong for a child to hit an adult?

PATIENT: It depends on the story.

JOURNALIST: Do you think it was wrong for whites to have slaves?

PATIENT: It depends on the person’s story.  “Blacks” had slaves. Was it wrong for Martin Luther King to believe in non-violence? Was it wrong for Malcolm X to believe in violence? Is it wrong for people to walk around with Confederate flags? Is it wrong for people to walk around with rainbow flags?  Was Huey P. Newton wrong to rape and beat Black Panther members who came to his apartment after they helped release him from prison? Was it wrong for my father to take me from my mother? Listen to the story. The mistake is when we classify an idea or belief in something as right or wrong.  Let’s stop tying our minds to those chains of destruction.

JOURNALIST: So you think that if there was no wrong or right in the world everyone would be happy?

PATIENT: Our beliefs are based on experiences of another person or ourselves. It is how we use words  that divides us. I’ve had conversations with people and never used the words wrong or right but the minute I begin to challenge them with questions it turns into this idea of me wanting to be right and thinking I’m better. Why didn’t the person initially acknowledge the act of me asking them questions as a gesture, a kind act, an awesome way to inspire great thoughts? It is because we have lived in this system that has trained our minds to divide us between two words-RIGHT or WRONG. You are interviewing me because society has trained your mind to believe that people are “crazy”. So basically if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have a job. So you work for me. I am your boss. I tell you what to do. (Pointing to head) The Human Mind Reserve is a place where people come that want to save their mind from extinction.

PATIENT (smiling): Welcome to The Human Mind Reserve.

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Soul Survivor Sunday is about stepping outside of a comfort zone. It’s about getting comfortable with uncomfortability and finding home in a community that might not necessarily be your own and telling various stories of the people and what they have overcome. Think about how many times we’ve heard the statement, “Their story inspired me.”  Think about how many people we say hello and talk to on a daily basis. We’ve all had a mountain to climb.

The one thing I’ve known to be proven true is people’s stories inspire and motivate others. I’ve had so many conversations that I wished I was able to capture and share with someone else. We all have different ways of sharing our story; painting, athleticism, song, dance, cooking, etc. but I think about the thousands of stories that go untold every day. The one thing I’ve known to be proven true is people’s stories inspire and motivate others. I’ve had so many conversations that I wished I was able to capture and share with someone else. We all have different ways of sharing our story; painting, athleticism, song, dance, cooking, etc. but I think about the thousands of stories that go untold every day. Perhaps they never shared because they were afraid of being judged. Perhaps they left the earth and never left anything behind. If thousands of stories are going untold then imagine how many people are going uninspired?

Sometimes people don’t feel like their life could influence someone else. And I believe at the end of the day we all want to leave something behind to someone. As much as I would love to tell everyone’s life story from beginning to end I am unable to but what I can do is take a small piece of their life. Whether it be a sit down interview, a conversation, or just a blink. If you give it to me I’m going to write about it. I would say this section is like the book of the bible Chronicles. Chronicles only focuses on the good things rather than the sins or the bad things. I am only interested in the person’s successes, not their failures. This section is about reminding all of us where we came from.  Sometimes people don’t feel like their life could influence someone else. And I believe at the end of the day we all want to leave something behind to someone.

“I’m like a photographer that stands on top of a building and takes a photo of the neighborhood in order to capture the beauty of the sunrise and sunset. If you were out and about in the neighborhood at the time the photo was captured, chances are you are in the picture.”

–Excerpt from my Facebook post January 13, 2017. 

Message: Your Story is My Story

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I’ve been told that I’m hard to read. I agree. It’s hard to tell what I’m thinking or predict what outlandish thought may develop in my head and exit through my mouth. Yes, I’m unpredictable, so what? Of course, that’s so much easier for me to say today than it was back in my elementary school and high school days.

Back then, I was quiet and held back on a lot of my thoughts. Why? Because when I did speak up, no one truly understood my words. As a result of them misunderstanding me, my thoughts were immediately classified as disrespectful or mean.

A good example would be when I stood up in the middle of class and yelled across the room at my 7th grade teacher who found the need to tell me my interpretation to a story she assigned us to read was wrong. At that moment, all I could think was, “What gives her the power to be right and make me wrong about my opinion?”

It was just like that time on Sway’s morning radio show when Kanye West yelled, “You ain’t got the answers!”

You see, when you’re passionate about your feelings, and are frustrated with others misunderstanding who you are, it will build up inside of you. Then one day, it will manifest through a major action, and people will judge you again, based on that one big action. We can get deeper into that another time, but I’m sure you get where I’m going. If you don’t…just turn on the news, and then read my statement again. Here, let me help you out by saying it again:

When you’re passionate about your feelings, and are frustrated with others misunderstanding who you are, it will build up inside of you. Then one day, it will manifest through a major action, and people will judge you again, based on that one big action.

You see, the best way for me to express myself has always been writing. Mainly because I didn’t have to deal with direct judgement and people’s confusion about what I was trying to say. Everything made complete sense when I wrote it. I’ve written letters to physicians who said I inspired them. I’ve landed great jobs because of my writing. I’ve won awards and have gotten accepted into great schools because of my writing. But I’ve always asked myself, how can go beyond that?

Many people may be wondering why I am going through all this – blogging, explaining who I am, etc. – as opposed to just going to get my now completed manuscript published and selling the damn book already! This project is the reason for my existence. I say project because the book is just a tiny aspect of my vision.

This project gives me life, and I know it will give life to others. It goes beyond getting published. I view the exchange as a heart transplant. As research explains, a heart transplant is not necessarily a cure for heart disease but a treatment that can improve the quality of life for its recipient. I’m not claiming my written words to be 100% perfect and healing of what’s broken, but I am most certain that they will improve the quality of life for their recipients.

WHO AM I? I am a heart surgeon, and before I go out into the world performing operations, I must make sure people know WHO I AM through my words.

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Hoping this is not some type of typical guy 3-month fad.

Don’t want to do anything to push him away…

Want to make sure I’m there for him to listen to every word he has to say.

Deep down inside, I question whether I should continue on this ride…

And push on through this journey with a confident stride.

I blame it all on my past and the mess I went through the 2 years before last.

The neglect, the abuse, making me feel like my words and thoughts were of no use.

My life was purposeless, value was worthless.

Was his queen in private, but was a stranger in public.

Used for intimacy in private, but was invisible in public.

Caressed and “loved” in private, but yelled at and dissed in public.

Tormented by looks of disgust from rumors he spread,

Walking down the hall hearing all the foul things he said.

Remembering when I went to lie down and found another chick’s underwear in the bed.

Remembering what he said…

Remembering after the blows how I bled.

Remembering the way I laid my head,

So he wouldn’t see me cry.

Knowing every word he said was a bold face lie.

I was too blind to see what this was all doing to me.

Why couldn’t I pull together my little strength and flee?

They say I’m a spitting image of my mother and imitate her like no other.

When things got tough she loved,

When she hurt she loved,

When she fought she still loved.

As for me, in my times I did all of the above.

So I stayed and endured the pain —

Even if that meant sleeping outside on benches in the rain.

I was afraid — cried in closets for days —

Thought of ending my life in so many ways.

I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t pretty enough,

Wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t classy enough.

Wasn’t this, wasn’t that — but he did notice one thing…

When I was getting too fat.

So four years have past.

And I no longer have to go through the mess I went through the 2 years before last.

I found the courage to flee

And do whatever I can to be the best I can be

Without changing any part of me.

Can only hope and pray that the NEW HE

Can have patience with me, come to me willingly

And see the best in me.

Walking with me side by side on this journey

Of setting myself free

From the bad memories of the past and bruises of he-Captivity.

…TO BE CONTINUED

…CONTINUED

So beside me is the NEW HE

only to allow it to be

Quite a challenging journey

of HE and ME.

Too blind to see

that I could only be Freeif I allowed myself to be..

So to keep myself sane and maintain, I learn how to cope with a unique pain.

A different pain, a happy get up and go make something of yaself pain.

A why hold ya head to strain-be independent and maintain pain.

An I am here for a reason we all go through seasons pain.

A mistakes are made but our life we cannot trade

so don’t shy in the dark to fade but commit to a personal upgrade pain.

A today I commit to no longer stray from the hand that drew my path

from the foot that made my prints from the eyes that see my future pain.

A right now I humble myself to look back and see that it was not me but HE (My God) that allowed it to be and as His daughter I will obey willingly….pain.

A remember to allow HIM to lead b/c alone with our blinded eyes we

will never succeed no matter how good the deed we will never be free

but…

forever and always we will see and be in love with…

Captivity

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Her body is a jewel.

She’s a queen.

Her walk is hella mean.

But when her girls find out her secret

She develops low self-esteem.

They ask why…

Liz: Why you ain’t let him hit it? If I was you, I would’ve been did it?

Mya: Why you waiting til marriage?

Tish: (Laughing) Why — you afraid if you do something you gon get stuck pushing a carriage?

Damn, girl, you don’t know what you missin, just so u know we advisin’ we ain’t dissin’.”

Liz: You need some adventure in your life, you ain’t gotta wait until you become his wife.

Tish: You already been with 1 guy, give a couple others a try.

She sits back and takes a long sigh.

Wondering how they find pleasure in giving their precious bodies to more than 1 guy.

She gazes into the sky as a couple years pass by…

It’s ladies night out…

They all seem to be putting on a pout.

She listens to hear what they’re raving and carrying on about …

Their miserable relationships,

Crying about their love life with their hands on their hips.

Tisha is on her 7th kid,

But she’s going on about what her 5th baby’s daddy did.

Mya can’t seem to find that fire,

The passion — that feeling of REAL love and desire.

Liz just doesn’t think there is such a thing as a good man —

Her dude gave her an STD and ran.

Liz: I don’t know what to do. Hey, chick, u sittn’ over there quiet as hell. What you got to tell?

She takes a long sip of her champagne before she works her way in…

“Well, what do I know. My man and I are 10 years strong.”

They all gasp and one asks,

“Damn, girl, what you doing for him to hold on that long?”

She replies, “Everything y’all been there and done… and sum.

Actually, it’s about that time gotta jet,

We ain’t finish “blessn” every room in the house yet.

Think tonight is the kitchen…

O and just so u know b/f hand, I’m just advisin’ I’m not dissin’…

My man tells me everyday my body is precious.

He has pride in wearing me as his jewel and says I’m his Nubian queen.”

As she walks away one of the girls say, “I wonder what her secret is, Liz?”

Liz: What, u slow u didn’t get the message? –Everything we did and sum. What, you dumb? Basically she’s saying we reap what we sow.

Mya: In simpler terms: you’re a hoe!

Tisha: Oh.

Liz: She’s saying we need to treat ourselves the way we want to be treated.

If we respect ourselves first. The men we attract won’t treat us like dirt.

And we wouldn’t be here crying our eyes out bout how much we hurt.

We lacked self-respect.

As a result we received heartache and neglect.

As they were leavn, Mya said, “Did u see the way she walked off the scene?”

Tisha: Yea, her walk is hella mean.

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